Running with Scissors: Augusten Revealed

               Running with Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs whom is also the main protagonist of this memoir wrote this dating back to her memories of when she was a child with an insane mother and a "care for nothing" father. My very first impression of Augusten was that I can specifically say she is a mama's girl: "I don't want her to go. My umbilical cord is still attached and she's pulling at it" (pg.2). For a child about to enter their adolescence years nowadays, she would be seen as a very immature individual. Augusten continuously looks up to her mother's style of fashion of a glamorous perfection trend. For example, "she takes two pads from the box...[and] she peels the paper strip off...the pads and slides it through the neck of her dress" (pg. 3) which shows the effort she strives towards for perfection.  Alone, Augusten is quite an imaginative little girl. She "[switches] the spotlights on in the  living room" and she "[runs] from the wall and stand in the spotlight" imitating a real fashion show catwalk as she imagines her mother in particular doing the same (pg. 7). Even though I instantly concluded that she's immature, I cannot say that she's not relatable and real to some people I know. Not everyone mentally develops at the same rate which leaves some youths, like Augusten, behind in our norm. Personally I'm able to relate to her family of flaws. I hardly get to see my Dad as his work hours are constantly varied and would only come home just to sleep. I can sense that Augusten has a hidden sympathetic side of her which is not directly revealed. Her actions of knowing that she must let her mom leave when she really doesn't want to shows her sympathy:"I smile back at her [as she leaves]. I don't want her to leave." (pg. 5). Augusten is indeed a likable individual, understanding that she is a family of non-fulfillment. I do not expect anymore than what she is from the reading I've completed so far. There really isn't anything to dislike about her under  these conditions. My standards of acceptance is based on sense of will, to not be afraid to express your joys. I predict that Augusten will continue to be same mentally. But personally and emotionally she will deal with great obstacles in daily family flaws. But these obstacles will be the initial step she can take to become an independent individual. 

The Unforgiving Fifth Place

Most people fear of others being better than they are. These people have yet to learn how to overcome their own fears. I believe that conquering their own abhorrence before competing with others is the first stepping stone. However, there will be endless challenges one will face with oneself because the greatest challenges we face are with ourselves.

          “Ladies and gentlemen, we have started our descent. In preparation for landing, please make sure your seat and trays are in their upright positions. Please ensure your seatbelt is securely fastened.” I was woken by the voice of a sleepy flight attendant.

          Upon landing I became anxious about competing in a foreign country. Who will I confront? Who will I beat? Who will beat me? Never was there a time in my life that I competed with someone I didn’t already know. Knowing so, I knew their strengths and weaknesses so I knew what I had to do better in to be better than them all.

          Thirty-two countries sent representatives to Anaheim to compete at the 2008 World Taekwondo Hanmadang: Jr. Individual Poomse category and in six hours there will be thirty-one unknown presentations versus mine. My concern however was relieved when I arrived at the Anaheim Convention Centre across from the heart calming Disneyland.

          None of the competitors really practiced in the holding-area where we stayed for hours leading up to our event. We were probably all told to never fully show our poomse when our competitors were around because that way they would be able to conceive our weaknesses. So I felt pretty good about myself being great enough to represent Canada of the thirteen who were at the trials half a year ago. Here I stretched out for most of the time after being crammed in a three hour plane trip along the glooming western horizon.

          Not knowing that the competition was ahead of schedule, I had my last meal an hour before the anticipated event time. But five minutes into my first American Subway sandwich, a deep manly voiced woman exclaimed, “Junior Individual Poomse competitors please make your way to ring two.” Choking down my bite, I grasped my position back into line and followed onto what I now refer to as my world stage.  Filled with a thousand spectators, I casually marched my way down to the ring hiding my nervousness. One by one we would be seated in an orderly manner.

          About 5 competitors into the event, I began to feel a burst of flame dive down my back. Sweat glands being clogged by sweat as they erupted ever so quickly. I was in a dazed when I realized how much more prominent their speed and accuracy is compared to mine. I felt numb, invisible to myself and in a dream…

          “David Wong,” called the tall standing referee.

          “Yes sir!,” I called back in acknowledgement. I stood up and took my spot on the ring with five pairs of eyes judging my every movement.

          “Char yuht.”

          I stood at attention.

          “Kyung nae.”

          I bowed tall.

          “Choon bi.”

          I took my ready stance with my eyes tuned dead straight ahead.

          “Seijak.”

          On the command to begin, I froze. Never have I experienced this type of sensation. Thoughts from my guts boiled towards my head and I began to steam. Ignoring the thoughts, I began my poomse. My jaw was tight but my legs were flimsy making it impossible to keep my balance on one leg. Those ninety seconds of my life had to be the most embarrassing.

          Regret congested my body. Did I really think I was the best of myself before I left Canada? I let so many proud supporters and sponsors from Canada down with my “I’m better than all of you (of Canada)” attitude. Obviously there are people that are better out in the world, that’s a no brainer. But surprisingly enough, I tossed that fact into the recycle bin of my brain.

          After half an hour of repeated thought, the results were announced. I was pretty astonished about my placing, fifth, out of thirty-two. Wow, I thought to myself. I was purely just mad. If only I had done a little better, I would’ve at least achieved third and a bronze medal. This became an unforgiving experience of my life and I had no one else to blame. Nothing can be worse than barely missing a medal placing at the world games.

          Since the 2008 World Taekwondo Hanmadang I have raised my goal to achieving a place in the Olympic Games and have achieved two more BC Junior Champion spots. My experience comes to show the importance of overcoming your doubt and becoming the best of yourself. I have come to realize that competition isn’t to challenge others but is to enhance myself. Set big goals and only compete with yourself to achieve that goal and one day you will wake up to the goal waiting for you.